you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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