I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
