dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I need water and some morals
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
