Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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