I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Girls should come with a carfax report
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
