i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
