Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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