so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
