Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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