Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
