yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
