I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
