were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
