Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
