Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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