matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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