There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
