Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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