I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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