I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Everyone says I win the strip club
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
