My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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