Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
