i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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