The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
