I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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