i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
