I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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