Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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