So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
