I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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