i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
