I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
