Please, let me fuck your mom
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
