don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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