i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
