I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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