don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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