turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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