and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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