That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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