Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
