Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
