My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
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