so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
