I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
