we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Panties = found
Randomize
