i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I can text with my tongue
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
