Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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