I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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