she was so not down for the gang bang
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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