a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
