Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
