yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
