WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
